DEAR HARRIETTE: After 28 years of marriage, my sister is considering divorcing her husband.
They’ve been struggling for a long time, and she’s reached a point where she feels that ending the marriage might be the best thing for her well-being and happiness. However, there’s a big part of her that’s hesitating, and it’s because this would be her second divorce.
We live in a small town where people talk, and she’s afraid of the gossip that would come with another divorce. She doesn’t want to be judged or seen as someone who “failed” at marriage again, especially when she already went through the pain of a divorce many years ago.
On top of that, she’s worried about how it will affect her three children, who are in their late teens and early 20s. Even though they’re older now, she feels terrible about creating such a huge disruption in their lives.
She’s torn between doing what she feels is best for her own happiness and staying in the marriage to avoid the scrutiny of others and to protect her kids from further emotional strain.
Do you have any advice on how she can work through these conflicting emotions and make the best decision for herself and her family?
— Is This the End?
DEAR IS THIS THE END?: Your sister has to live her own life independent of people’s opinions. She should evaluate why she wants to leave now and whether her feelings are valid.
Questions to consider include how she will afford to live on her own, where she will live, what support system she has in place and what her plans are for the future.
Sometimes chapters end in our lives. If this is the end of this chapter, encourage her to handle it with dignity.
She deserves to be happy and secure. The way she behaves will show her children how they can survive and thrive.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I are professional ballerinas, and we’ve been dancing together since high school.
We’ve been through so much together — the long rehearsals, the endless auditions, the excitement of landing roles and the disappointments. Ballet has been a huge part of our lives, and we’ve always shared that passion.
Recently, my friend dropped a bombshell: She wants to quit ballet. Ballet has been her life for as long as I can remember, so when she told me she’s thinking about leaving it all behind, I was shocked.
Her reason is that she didn’t get the lead role in our most recent show, which she has been working her whole career to get. I know how much she wanted that part and that it was a big disappointment for her, but it breaks my heart to think one setback might cause her to give up something she’s been so dedicated to for all these years.
I wonder if she’s just reacting out of frustration and hurt in the moment. I’ve seen how much ballet means to her, and I can’t imagine her life without it.
How can I convince her to not give up her career and keep dancing?
— Quitter
DEAR QUITTER: Be a good listener right now. Let your friend experience the emotional crisis she is in without judgment.
She is smarting from this loss. In time, she may realize this does not have to be a defining moment. If not, this could mark a turning point for her.
She must decide. Don’t try to convince her of anything. Just love her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
