DEAR HARRIETTE: My family had a big gathering at Christmas, and we exchanged a lot of gifts. In the end, though, I noticed that my 8-year-old niece got fewer gifts than the rest of the kids.
I could tell that she felt uncomfortable about that. It’s not that I think every child should get exactly the same number of packages, but it was obvious that many family members didn’t think about her and instead showered the other kids with lots of stuff.
She ended up retreating to a corner of the house and not engaging much with the other children even though they are all cousins and close in age.
How can I address this so that it doesn’t happen again?
— Short Shrift
DEAR SHORT SHRIFT: Speak to the other adults in the family and share your observation.
Be specific about the division of gifts since they probably did not pay attention. Note that it is important to avoid playing favorites among the children.
Of course, parents are expected to shower more gifts upon their own children, but at group holiday gatherings, it is kind and thoughtful to consider all of the children and make sure that they all feel loved and seen.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been close since high school; however, recently it feels like she’s started to ghost me.
She doesn’t answer my calls anymore, and when she does respond to my texts, her replies are short and vague, as if she doesn’t really want to talk to me.
We live in different states now, which makes it harder to stay connected. I can’t just drop by to check on her, and that distance makes this situation even more painful.
The last time we talked in person, she seemed to be in good spirits, but she did open up about struggling with her mental health. I told her I was there for her no matter what, but now I’m wondering if I did or said something wrong, or if she’s pulling away because she’s dealing with things I don’t fully understand.
I miss her so much, and I hate feeling like our friendship is slipping away. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure her if she’s going through something tough. I just don’t know how to reach out in a way that shows I care without making her feel overwhelmed.
Should I give her space and wait for her to come to me, or should I keep trying to reach out and let her know I’m here?
— Besties
DEAR BESTIES: Write your friend a letter and tell her how much you miss her. Tell her you don’t want to lose your close bond even though you no longer live in the same town.
Add that you hope that if she needs anything, she will reach out to you or to someone else. Remind her that she is not alone.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
