DEAR HARRIETTE: My 9-year-old daughter recently went over to her friend’s house for a playdate. She was so excited to spend time with her friend, and everything seemed fine when I dropped her off.
However, when I went to pick her up, her friend’s mom pulled me aside and made a comment that really caught me off guard. She criticized my parenting style, specifically how my daughter behaved at dinner.
Apparently, my daughter didn’t finish all of the food on her plate, and the mom felt that was incredibly rude and a sign of poor manners. She went on to say that in their household, children are expected to eat everything they’re served and suggested I should be more strict at home to instill better manners in my child.
I was honestly shocked. My daughter is generally polite, but like most kids, she can be picky sometimes — especially when she’s at someone else’s house. I’ve never forced her to eat food she doesn’t like, and I don’t see this as a major issue.
I was taken aback by the mom’s approach and felt judged, but I didn’t know how to respond in the moment.
Was this mom out of line, or am I missing something about how my daughter should behave when she’s a guest in someone’s home?
— Bad Behavior
DEAR BAD BEHAVIOR: In my estimation, this friend’s mom crossed the line.
While it is perfectly normal for families to have their ways of doing things — including how they eat at the table — when you have a guest, it is good manners to give them grace.
Had your daughter misbehaved by saying something rude, physically hurting someone, cursing or doing something else egregious, I could see why the mom would need to call you out on it. But reprimanding you because your child didn’t eat every morsel on her plate seems extreme.
People have different values and ways of living. This is something your daughter will learn throughout her life. Your job now is to reinforce your values and let her know that she hasn’t violated a family rule by not eating all of the food on her plate.
Further, you can tell the mother that, while you appreciate that she felt that she had to inform you of your daughter’s behavior, you strongly disagree with her. In your home, you do not force food down your daughter’s throat.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister was scratched by a stray cat. When I found out, I urged her to get the anti-rabies vaccine immediately. However, she refused, insisting it was just a minor scratch.
I explained the importance of getting the vaccine as a precaution, but she didn’t think it was necessary. I reminded her of the potential risks, especially when dealing with stray animals. Despite my concerns, she continues to brush it off.
Now, I’m at a loss because I’ve said everything I can to convince her. I just want her to stay safe. Please advise.
— Risk Ignored
DEAR RISK AVOIDED: My research suggests that the most important thing your sister should have done was to clean the wound and apply an over-the-counter antibiotic ointment, followed by monitoring the wound to see if it is healing or needs further attention.
Apparently, both tetanus and rabies are rare in cat scratches, though it is possible to be impacted by whatever germs the cat is carrying.
Encourage your sister to monitor her wound. If it gets worse, go to the doctor. For more information, go to animalreport.net/stray-cat-scratch-safety-guide.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
