DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved to a new city and am lining up new physicians for me and my family.
I have noticed that several doctors introduce themselves with their titles, but address me using my first name. For example, “Hi Ann, I’m Dr. Smith.”
I don’t mind the use of my first name, but I would also assume if the doctor feels comfortable using my first name, they should feel comfortable with me using theirs.
That doesn’t seem to be the case. I tried that at my last appointment and the doctor seemed completely taken aback.
Was I rude to address the doctor by first name?
GENTLE READER: Trust Miss Manners when she assures you that you would have had even more fun if you had addressed your new physician as Dr. Smith but asked that she address you as Mrs. Jones in return. In response to the shocked look on her face you could then have innocently explained that it was just a question of mutual respect.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some friends who regularly host a tailgate party in the parking lot of the college football stadium near our house. We walk to the tailgate, and then go home once the game begins.
Hosting this tailgate is “their thing,” and they seem to enjoy being hosts.
Our other interactions with these friends center around our young children, and rarely involve a meal as substantial as what is offered at the tailgate.
Normally, I would think it rude to try to pay a host for the food and drink we consume. However, given that this is a regular event, and that we are not able to host an event of similar cost and effort to return the favor, would it be appropriate to offer to pay them back for our season-long party attendance?
GENTLE READER: Tell them how generous their tailgating parties are, and ask if there is any — unspecified — way in which you can take some of the burden off of them.
When they say they are happy to host, Miss Manners recommends falling back to a dinner invitation that does not involve the children.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I react when an acquaintance begins to tell me a story he has told before, and that I don’t care to hear again from start to finish?
I usually smile, gasp and interrupt him at the sentence break with a “Right!” as if he’s reminding me of the most charming anecdote I’ve ever heard.
Simply telling him I’ve heard the story before seems blunt, and pretending I’ve never heard it is a lie. I’m sure you’re in this position often and have prepared a graceful response.
GENTLE READER: Listening to a regurgitated story politely may be tedious, but calling it a lie strikes Miss Manners as overly dramatic.
It is not impolite to say, “Yes, you mentioned that!” so long as you can express it with genuine good nature, being sure to include the exclamation point.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
